The Roast of Earth One

[Jean Vilain]

The god of comedy, Laffarius saw a planet in turmoil and in need of a laugh. It couldn't stand the sight of such gloominess and decided it was time for a chuckle. The most powerful beings of Earth One were transported to a large arena in the heavens. The beings of the lower realms were transported to lower seating by a large stage, while the gods sat in a higher balcony to watch the show. Laffarius appeared on the stage at the confused beings of Earth One.

"Hello Mortals. I am Laffarius. The god of comedy. You are all in need of a laugh. I have taken control of your emotions so that for the moment being you all can not feel hate for each other. No instead you will all roast each other one by one. The rules are simple. Take turns coming up to the stage to make fun of each other for everyone's amusement. Welcome to the Roast of Earth One."

[Cazador]

Kazadus comes into the stage. His only thoughts were "Ah what the hell. Might as well." He stepped on stage as Laffarius went back to his podium.

"Thank you God of Kidnapping. I thought maybe you were Jeffery Epstein, but then I realized I'm not the right age, but I also see Genius and Miracle out there in the audience so maybe I'm not too far off. Speaking of sick bastards, is that Jean Vilain. Glad you could take a time out from screwing people in the back to be here. Screwing people in the back is what Jean does best. He's more likely to rip off his trousers and silk thong than kill someone. Perhaps I'm being too subtle. I'm calling you a homo Jean. A lot of people don't know this, but I am an amnesiac same as Caine. We lose our memory so often that they once threw in an alzheimer's home. Best part about being there is we can hide our own Easter eggs. I’m pretty sure Caine doesn’t have alzhiemers though. He’s just an alcoholic. Caine your poor liver. If I were King I’d knight you as Sir Osis of Liver. Anyway I can stand up here all day, but I’ll leave some material for the rest of you. Laffarius thanks for bringing us here for a laugh and I just wanna say this from the bottom of my heart… Jean Vilain is a homo.”